Sketchy Roads, Sleeping Technicians, and an Ode to Twinkies

It's kind of hard to update a blog when your internet is not working.  And this, in the last three weeks, is the predicament we found ourselves in.

One of the biggest problems here is customer service - as in, there is none.  So when we notified our internet provider (which I won't name directly, but happens to rhyme with the phrase "Shmem-Tee-Mem") that our internet was cutting out and making it not only impossible to download anything but nearly impossible to even check or reply to email, they said they'd fix it right away.

Three weeks later, it was still broken.

It seems to be mostly fixed now, although the internet is still "flickering", as I call it.  But the icing on the cake was when the technician came to our house to reinstall the equipment they claimed was faulty and fell asleep in my husband's chair at his desk.

I just wasn't sure how to respond to that, other than to wake him up and tell him it wasn't acceptable.  And that was how a five minute job turned into a 45 minute job.  Well, three weeks and forty-five minutes.

I've also turned into quite the daredevil driver lately.  There's really no way to remain timid here and get wherever you need to go.  You must force your way into lanes, hold out your hand and hope someone slows down as you dart into the oncoming traffic.

They don't always slow down, in which case it becomes a game of Chicken - who will blink first.  In order to win this game of chicken, you must have a larger car, a pointing finger that you shake at someone, and a stern expression.  In addition, you must choose your opponents very carefully - it would never do to try and dart in front of someone important; they will run you over, get of their car, pull you out, and proceed to teach you the lessons your mother should have beaten into your head before you hit adulthood.  It's just not polite to challenge someone more important.

I should also mention that there are traffic lights here - most of them just don't work.  And apparently it is acceptable to run a red light if no one is coming.  At least, I see it several times a day.

In addition to low speed Chicken (you will never get above forty miles an hour here, and that's hauling serious ass), you have to figure your way around and be willing to drive in some sketchy places if you run into an accident.  It could take hours to clear, and you don't want to be stuck on Alick Nkhata Road for hours.

A traffic accident is how we ended up on this road one day.

As you can see, there is enough room for our truck and about three inches on either side.  Had another car decided to turn down this road (which wasn't a one way), we would have been in quite a pickle.  Had someone decided to walk down this road, we would have had to do some quick thinking.  

Luckily neither of those things happened, and one very helpful local offered to run to the end of the street and wave off any possible oncoming traffic for us, for which we tipped him several pin.  He waved quite exuberantly when we turned and drove off.  

Another fun game we like to play is Identify the T-Shirt.  Usually this consists of seeing college t-shirts or sweatshirts and matching them up to whichever friend we have that attended that college back home.  So far we've matched Auburn, A&M, George Mason, Michigan, Nebraska, and Notre Dame.  We've seen several colleges we haven't matched as well, Dartmouth being the top of the list and including (but not lastly) University of Maryland University College.  

But the best shirt we've seen so far (other than the guy wearing the Little Mermaid shirt) was the one from a dental clinic in Webster, Texas.  

Why is this so awesome, you ask?  Because we've been there.  And it makes me giggle to encounter Webster, Texas in Africa. 

I'll close with this thought - Twinkies.  

When I'm here, there are things I miss about the US that leave me daydreaming about a return visit, and Twinkies are pretty high on that list.  It comes down to a dead-draw between Twinkies and Zingers, and the winner fluctuates.  

So with the news that Hostess has gone under and my next trip back to the US won't involve the guilty pleasure of hiding away in my hotel room with a plate of nachos, a box of Twinkies, and trashy reality TV (I may have a problem that requires some sort of 12 Step program), I'm wondering if it is even worth it to take time for that visit.  Out of a sense of sanity self-preservation, I learned to make Twinkies from scratch here, and they are good.  Very good.  Actually, I think the filling I use is light years better.

And it is good for my waistline to have to make Twinkies anytime I want to eat Twinkies.  There are no midnight sneaks down to the pantry while everyone is asleep and when calories don't count (or so I tell myself).  

But still.  It is the end of an era, indeed.  And the generic Swiss Roll version of Ho Hos just doesn't float my boat.